im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You can't just leave with hair like that
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize