He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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