I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
