I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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