someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize