After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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