I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
