Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize