i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
