Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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