i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
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