why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize