My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
