This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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