i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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