true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
