So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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