u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
