she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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