Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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