TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
the room spins SO much faster in panama
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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