my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
