I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
