wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
