Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Randomize
