You can't special order awesome
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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