I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
