Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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