I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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