I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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