Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize