anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
