Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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