i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
