Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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