I'm really into asian looking animals
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
