I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
