I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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