i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
