please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
