i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
