So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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