last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
