8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
