I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize