I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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