I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
