I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
dude. I can hear the air.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
