I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
So squirting runs in the family.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
