i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
