I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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