If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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