hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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