This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
