College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
