he looks like a really good dad on facebook
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
