No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
