you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
