were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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