my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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