omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
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