so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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