So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
