he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
