dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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