I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
