i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize