tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
