I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
