Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
