Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Send help, water and tortillas.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Randomize
