I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize