So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
