Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
