About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
