hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
