the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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