barbara walters just said penis...
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
